Jersey minus the shore.

….
Drove. Saw trees.saw cars…. You know how it is.
But we are now in New Jersey. Which leads to the quote of the day…
“New Jersey looks the same…I was expecting Ed Hardy graphics paved in the streets.”-Goose

18 hour day.

After a four hour nap, we were up at 2 am to continue our journey – our longest day of the trip, Hattiesburg Mississippi to Virginia Beach, Virginia. The weather continues to be gorgeous and we’re hoping to have left the snowstorms behind us permanently. Hopefully Jersey won’t have other plans. We are sad to leave the South but we leave with some sweet new bracelets (rubber bands shaped like animals – all the rage in the Mississippi elementary school system), fond memories of fried food, dollar stores and people asking Krista if she’s engaged because she wears a ring on her finger and the explanation of “hey it’s the south – I have to ask!” So far it only 4 pm and we have crossed Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina and are in North Carolina creeping our way towards the Virginia border, in an increasingly messy car and in increasingly ridiculous outfits.

With the arrival of Virginia Beach also came the reunion of Caley with her two friends Elsy and Gianna, and Ruth with her cousin Michael. Our hotel proved to be a little less sanitary than desired, but it’s all an adventure we reminded ourselves as we drained the inches of standing water we found in the shower. Krista, Caley, Elsy and Gianna went off to find some food, fighting off packs of high school boys left and right. We then returned to the room and kept it classy - a few hours of reality television and some red wine in a Styrofoam cup – not Gianna though, she was too little. Maybe after you graduate kiddo.

Following the path of adventure Ruth and Maggie meet up with Ruth’s cousin Michael along with his fellow navy-ians. We were treated to margaritas and were shown the “jersey shore weather report”- a hilarious dance that Maggie is determined to bring over to the west cost. We then ventured to some navy persons apartment where he and his German girlfriend hosted half the bar. A dinner over sautéed shrimp, pizza bread and many shot guns later the adults had to finally admit they were no longer in college and could not keep up with us youngins. Ruth and Maggie FINALLY got to bed, only to be awoken 4 hours later. Man I love being youthful and resilient.

The Sip.

3.23.10
After a much needed long nights sleep, as well as the discovery of a good new trashy TV show by Maggie and Krista (it’s called Jerseylicious… watch it), we awaken to a gloriously sunny Mississippi morning. That and Starbucks makes it the best start to a day we’ve had in a while. We met up with Caley’s friend Kayla for lunch at a college bar/diner called the End Zone, the kind of place where you sit at a counter and there are newspapers everywhere and Southern Miss posters on the walls. Next stop – Bop’s Frozen Custard. No matter that it was only 11:30 am… we’re on a Southern culinary adventure here.

Later in the day Caley’s friend Melanie, who we stayed with, went to pick up her wedding dress from being altered and we got to come along and browse through not only wedding and bridesmaid dresses but also shoes, veils, headbands and jewelry and become true traditional feminine stereotypes discussing and debating the merits of strapless necklines and how long a train should be. Caley tried on her bridesmaid dress also and both looked gorgeous. All this wedding preparation got us girls thinking about how we want our own weddings to be – Caley in a black dress, Maggie in a romper with an open bar, Krista wants hydrangeas (roses under NO circumstances), and Ruth will wear whatever the hell she wants and you all will like it (that’s verbatim).

For dinner we went to Leatha’s, a family owned BBQ place featured on the Food Network’s Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. We discovered that they had changed their menu for the show – no barbecued possums or squirrels were to be found. But Ruth, Caley, Melanie and her fiancé James enjoyed pulled pork and barbecued chicken while Maggie and Krista got coleslaw and potatoes…. the only things on the menu that didn’t contain animals. The muu-muu-wearing lady that worked there was very friendly, even to the point of telling Ruth her taste buds were messed up because she couldn’t tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi. Although we may have ordered with skeptical looks and the incredulous question of “Y’all don’t want no meat??” when Maggie and Krista only ordered sides, we left to the refrains of “Thank ya baby, ‘ppreciate ya baby, see y’all later.”

3.22.10

Only an hour into our drive and we’re already exchanging numbers with neighboring cars. Juan was very nice, as well as the ‘tiny man in the back’ Oscar. They were perfect gentlemen and asked if we needed any company to Mississippi but alas they had to go to work tunneling and boring. Boring? I think not.

Then we were out of Texas crossing the Louisiana border. Seeing signs in French while hearing a southern drawl is certainly an odd experience. However the best was when we met Sally: A ferocious alligator of 5 feet long with jaws that could snap a puppy in half and a growl that could make the hairs stand up on even a naked mole rat.

Then we stopped at Cracker Barrel, which if you’ve never been, is a cross between a restaurant and an old time store with 5 cent candies. My favorite part was the rocking chairs outside. Ruth’s an egg nor a moose, Krista is just plain dumb and Caley is purdy smart.…….
and then we went to a bar with all of Caley’s friends from high school. I love how cheep Mississippi is. Darts are fun. So are Mississipians. I like how friendly people are. Accents are fun too. I will miss being called ma’am.

OUR PROGRESS:









3.21.10


And so, having slept very soundly and full of Trey’s dad’s coffee, we leave for Houston, after learning that Trey’s dogs eat Activia yogurt, which leads to some conversation about poop… which embarrass Krista a lot. There’s still snow on the side of the interstate, but the road is clear and apart from some wind almost carrying little Caley away at a gas station we are without incident, although we somehow managed to cross the Texas border without getting a picture of it which caused considerable disappointment. It’s still early though.

We have arrived in Texas and we love it. Long horn cattle are not as prevalent as we thought but the skies are big and the people are friendly.
Maggie yet again overreacted to her new situations. Gasping very loudly when she saw a man in a cowboy hat… We need to take her out more…
Caley’s dad treated us to the best seafood of our lives at Pappadeaux’s where Caley ate 2lbs. of crawfish and Ruth got chicken. She tried a couple of new seafood items from Krista's Seafood Platter but wasn't too sold on any of it. =D Thanks Ron: our bellies are full for the first time in days! It’s after dinner now and we are all huddled together watching “There will be Blood” and eating delicious lemon cake made by Caley’s stepmom, Martha. Delicious!!! Thanks for another great example of southern hospitality.

"MOBBING FAT"

3.20.10
So far we have discovered that although sharing a name, New Mexico is hardly relatable to that of its southern cousin. Being Team Awesome, we decided to drive straight from Las Vegas to Oklahoma, but oh ho Albuquerque had other plans for us. Yes indeed.

The Grand Canyon. For all you Bill Waterson fans, is best described as that of Spaceman Spiff battling the alien manifestation in the back of Lazy Sunday.
Back to the detour that is Albuquerque. The Ashland of the center states. After pulling a six hour shift the always bad ass Caley Rea hands the wheel over to Ruth. Only an hour and a half passes, however, before we run into our first road block. “I-40 CLOSED. SEEK IMMEDIATE LODGING.” Fuck.
…Four hours later and fueled by Econolodge coffee, we’re back on the road again. Where? Couldn’t tell you. However what I can tell you is that we are very lucky to have our very own Alaskan at the wheel. Currently, Krista is “mobbing deep” through what looks like a giant cookies ‘n cream blizzard.



So, we venture into south New Mexico, wondering just how far out of the way we have to go to avoid the storm that has i40 shut down. Eventually, we make the turn to east and Caley, Maggie and Ruth carry us through North Texas. The weather is fine and we think we’re home free, all of us marveling at how big the sky looks out here. But once we hit Oklahoma, we run into the same storm front that had us beaten in Albuquerque. Luckily the freeway stays open, and although its dark and icy, thanks to Krista’s amazing snow driving skills and with the help of St. Christopher we safely arrive in Oklahoma City at an average speed of 12 MPH. A little behind schedule and shaken up quite a bit, Trey welcomes us into his home with cheese pizza, a fire, two weiner dogs and the promise of a party where we’d be the guests of honor. We got shown some real Southern hospitality by Trey and his parents, and also his friends, who all were happy we’d made it at all and wanted to be sure we knew that they didn’t live in teepees. As someone who gets frequently asked if I live in an igloo, I could understand their emphasis. Let it be known that Alaska and Oklahoma have more in common than snow on the ground. And speaking of snow, Maggie Ruth and Caley made some very nice snow angels at the party, and all of us came away with some new friends.

3.19.10
Goodbye Legal Prostitution

Check out was ten am, so we said goodbye to our room and hello to the lobby, where we encountered some boys from South Jersey who had already started drinking. It didn’t take long after “hello” for some digit exchanges and a promise of a party thrown in our honor when we reach the east coast.

Next stop – Hoover Dam. Although there was a lot of traffic backup due to construction of a new freeway and bridge, it was worth the wait as the view was spectacular, all the more impressive because none of us are used to desert scenery.
As of this writing we are at In n Out burger somewhere in Arizona, enjoying sun and animal style cheeseburgers, dreaming of the Grand Canyon and all the highway lying between us and Oklahoma City.

3.18.10

Driving through eastern CA is more beautiful than can be captured by our cameras. We will try for you guys though.

Our room in Vegas was AMAZING. We washed our clothes and stretched out legs, then made bloody Marys and got ready to go out.

Here are our Vegas stories from two perspectives:

Caley and Maggie decided to skip dinner because they figured they got all their nutrients from the bloody marys. Then we wandered the streets and got thoroughly lost but it was ok because we were “IN VEGAS BABY!!!!” We met some awesome people on the streets before we could even find a place to drink so we couldn’t fully appreciate their awesomeness. But no worries, it happened soon enough. All together, we spent $61 on four drinks… Oh man… Good thing we skipped dinner.

Maggie wants to make sure I mention the two old ladies/soccer moms that were dancing in the street in front of a food vendor. They were flashing the crowd that had gathered around them for prolonged amounts of time and giving each other lap dances. They were actually pretty good entertainment. Sorry, no pictures.

Every single casino we went into confused us. We would go in, spend some money and then get lost. It wasn’t making sense to us at all and the alcohol probably wasn’t helping the situation either. =D

We put $2 in the nickel slots for Goose and $1 in for Ruth but lost it all and so we decided that that was enough. So, Maggie and Caley lost absolutely NOTHING to gambling in Vegas, though Maggie was very excited that she had played and screamed at the top of her lungs when we were finished and then disappointed everyone around us when they discovered that she hadn’t won a million dollars.



Not being the magical age of 21, Ruth and Krista adventured out into the streets, Krista keeping her lucky stars in mind and hoping that they’d come through for those $2. We picked up some hooker flyers and got jostled by some drunks fully enjoying their midlife crisis, all the while making mental notes for our return in October when Ruth turns 21. We went through the always classy Cesar’s, and the always gorgeous Bellagio, where Krista fulfilled the only under 21 Vegas dream she had – watching the water show.

The Bloody Mary and vodka apple juice respectively wearing off, we wandered through the tide of Hawaiian shirts, neon, and drag queen billboards, trying to retune our mental GPS. George Clooney was right – casinos are built like mazes to keep people in, but so is the entire strip. We were promised lesbians for $79, the comedian of the year and $4.50 buffets at various points on our journey. We took a shuttle from Harrah’s back to our hotel, driven by a three hundred pound Polynesian who informed us that he ate 6 eggs for breakfast everyday but he wasn’t fat – just big “boneded”. Most Hawaiians are you know.

Returning to the room we mixed another drink and awaited the return of Caley and Maggie, and then we went swimming in a pool heated to bathwater temperature, the lights of the strip replacing the stars.

3.17.10 -Monterey, CA

Krista and Ruth went to THE MOST AMAZING aquarium in the world and they loved it. Goose got a kick ass keychain of a penguin w/ flashlight and Ruth learned that seahorses are the most amazing creatures ever. Goose wants people to know that she touched everything in the touch pool and Ruth wouldn’t touch anything…

Then we went to Caley’s private beach in front of her future house and screamed into the waves until we couldn’t bear it. Since we were CA, the beach must be warm, right? Wrong, but we tried to get in the water anyways.

Back at Caley’s mom’s house, we had cocktails and pizza and taught everyone how to play flip cup. Turns out, over forty-somethings can be quite good at flipping the cups but not so good at wanting to actually play. Except Cindy, we love you and you can come visit us whenever you want. =D

More pics to come.

Oh yeah, and sorry guys, MAGGIE WAS THE FIRST COMPLAINER!!!! I know, it was a shock to everyone. But Ruth was a close second. Krista has not complained AT ALL YET! Props to you Goose.